I AM SPIDERWOMAN!!!

We have a closet downstairs that is used for my husbands army gear. And some other stuff(that I need to get out, but I have been procrastinating.) I decided to clean it out today. Thinking I SHOULD DO IT. IT NEEDS TO BE DONE! I go in and get started and I am jamming to music, dancing, getting it done.

I start to feel something in undies. I brush it off as my tag. Still dancing, bobbing my head, singing out loud. Getting into it. Yea. Fist bump or 2. Throwing things away. Taking out boxes, clothes. Stuffing things in bags.

I feel it again, but towards my crack. I freeze. My tag isn't that long. MY TAG SHOULDN'T HAVE MULTIPLE LEGS! OH NO ITS A SPIDER! By this point, I am in my hallway, dancing like Ace Venture in his pink tutu, screaming GET IT OUT! ITS GOING TO BITE ME! I'M GOING TO DIE! DID IT BITE ME?! I THINK IT BIT ME! My pants and undies are around my ankles at this point. I am too afraid to touch my behind to get it, but I am also afraid of being bitten. I am in such a JAM! I am going crazy. My kids laughing hysterically. Not helping me. Husband is at work, he can't help.

I must be brave. I got bit by a spider. (Here they are huge, so it could of been a radioactive spider that gave me powers). I am SPIDERWOMAN. I am mighty. I am not fearful. I take a deep breath, I squint my eyes and the only thing that pops into my head is, WHAT IF ITS STUCK SOMEHWERE IT SHOULDN'T BE?! I muster up all my bravery and I smack the air, myself, everywhere, until I see it fall. I am stomping all around the spider, but not on the spider. I finally kill it.

Spider-0
SPIDERWOMAN-1

Should I test my powers out? Should I not? Maybe I will pull my undies and pants up and just ease out of the closet and act like this never happened.

If only my kids could do the same.