Saturday, December 20, 2014

Waxing for Newbies. NEVER AGAIN

Waxing. We all do it. Well, we all tried it to say the least. I have never waxed anything except my eyebrows. I decided to try waxing something else. I bought this wax kit. I thought I HAD 3 KIDS, I GET MY EYEBROWS WAXED. I CAN HANDLE THIS.

I prepare my body the way the container said. I washed my body, dried it completely. I warmed up the wax. I go in the bathroom and pull the popsicle sticks out. OK STICK, YOU ARE GETTING WAXY. I dip it in the wax container and begin to rub it on the area that I want to wax. OOOH THIS WAX IS NICE. ITS SO WARM. I CAN DO THIS.

I get done rubbing the wax on the area and I place the cotton strip on the wax. OH YEA I GOT THIS. I CAN DO THIS. I WAS BORN READY

RRRRIIIIPPPPP! OH THAT WAS NOT THAT BAD! I hold up the strip to look at my accomplishment. Um, that's not a lot of hair. Did the wax melt on the strip? How does this work? I look down and there is the wax. Ok. Ok. Ok. I can do this. I put another strip on and rip again. Nothing. Hmm. Ok one more time. I put on another strip and this time my husband rips it off. OMG. SEEING STARS. IT BURNS. SHOULD IT BURN? OMG IT HURTS. SEEING STARS AGAIN.
I look at the strip and there is the wax. There is the hair. WHY DO WOMEN DO THIS?! I can't no more. OH MAN THERE IS MORE WAX. Ok I am going to jump in the shower and wash this off.
But I heard don't add water to the wax. Hm, OH WAIT. HOT WATER. HEAT WILL MAKE IT MELT SO WHY NOT USE HOT WATER. Now to remove the rest of the hair. I guess shaving it is.
The razor is stuck. OMG ITS STUCK! WTH?! HOW DO I REMOVE THIS? Rubbing alcohol. OH NO IT WILL BURN EVEN MORE. OK SOAP. I pour soap down the front and the razor is moving. its removing itself from my skin. I look at the razor to see if any hair came off. Some. Along with some wax and is that skin? OMG I AM NEVER WAXING AGAIN. THIS IS STUPID. I REFUSE TO TRY TO GET SEXY DOWN THERE AGAIN. I will deal with the stubble any day.
I am laying in bed and I try to move my legs to stretch them out and its sticking to my butt. My thigh is sticking to my butt. How am I going to remove this? GOOGLE. OK GOOGLE, DON'T LET ME DOWN. I NEED TO GET MY THIGH UNSTUCK FROM MY BUTT. FIND ME A SOLUTION.


Friday, December 5, 2014

The Santa that was a woman

Ok so here is the setting:

1995. I am a tiny 7 year old girl. Its 2 weeks before Christmas. I am sitting our dining room coloring.

My parents tell me there is a surprise at the door. I am SUPER DUPER excited!!! OH BOY! I hear  knock and they open the door. I SCREAM and JUMP up and down.


Santa had a few toys to give me and ask me what I wanted for Christmas. Probably just double checking my list. I don't have the neatest hand writing. Oops, I should really work on that before next year.

Santa sits on our couch, picks me up and sits me on his knee. He starts with his jolly, belly laugh and asks me if I have been a good girl.

Is this a trick question? No, he knows the truth. But what all does he consider bad behavior? I mean, that boy was being mean to me and deserved to be pushed. He said I could never be the pink power ranger. He obviously didn't see my pink ranger ninja outfit.

Ok I take a breath in. This is it. "OF COURSE I HAVE! ON MY BEST BEHAVIOR!"

He laughed and smiled. HE BOUGHT IT! I don't think he seen me push that boy. No way, I was to fast. NINJA FAST!

I look into Santa's eyes. I want to see that twinkle in his eye!

I gasp!! OMG! MY WHOLE LIFE IS RUINED!! ITS ALL RUINED! WHY DID THEY DO THIS TO ME?! I want to run away and cry.


I swallow and look down. I look up at Santa again and swallow one more time. My mouth was getting extremely slobbery from being nervous.

"Um, why are you wearing makeup?" I am for sure going on the NAUGHTY list for this.

Santa chuckled.

"I am really Mrs. Claus. Santa is not feeling too well, but he knew how badly you wanted to see him. So I came in disguise for him."

WHEW! I wipe my forehead. I am so glad it was Mrs. Claus. I didn't want my parents to be tricked by a fake Santa.

And this is how I came to be best friends with Mrs. Claus. Yea we are BFFs.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014


It's that time of year again. Christmas, presents, family, drama, food, chaos. All that good fun! I have decided to do something different.

Each year, there are posts and stories about the wonderful, amazing things that have happened to you, or that you have done for others.

I love to read about these! They are truly inspiring and wonderful. I have decided to add some humor to this festive time.

Once you receive this, you must tell the most embarrassing, most humorous Christmas you ever had. Whether it was just last year or 15 years ago! Include whatever you like. But remember, it must be funny.

You then, pick 5 other bloggers to SNOWBALL and read their hilarious tale!

I am picking:
Baking in a tornado
The Momisodes
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
Just a little Nutty
Menopausal Mother

Friday, July 25, 2014

Oh what fun it is to be in the household-Fly on the Wall

Welcome! It's another addition of FLY ON THE WALL!!!  *audience applause*

I always wanted an audience!! You guys are too kind to stop by! Oh stop it, you're embarrassing me!!

Yea, I like the attention! So, Karen setup FLY ON THE WALL! 14 of us bloggers write tidbits about what it would be like if they was a FLY ON THE WALL in our daily lives.

The other day I let our puppy go outside to use the potty and play a little bit. I left her out there about 30 minutes. To make sure she went. I hear scratching on my door and I go to open it. I hesitate. She is soaked from head to toe! She decided to dip in the pool and go for a swim!! I get a towel, let her in, and start to attempt to dry her off. Got some of her dry. She then decides to jump on my couch and rub her wet back all over it.

She thinks she is part cat. She lays on my windowsill with our cats and sunbathes. She will lay on the back of our couch. She never lasts long. She is too big.

I call her CATDOG! (like the cartoon.) She will lay there all day and just sunbathe.

I am getting my kids back on a school schedule. They go back the 18th. I will have 2 in school now. It will be so weird to just have my son with me at home alone. I won't have to hear about any fighting, but I know he will get bored and miss his sisters. He is ready for school, but can't start until next year. He is the only one who can start at 5 and not at 6. Its weird how they set that up. Have to be 5 by a certain time. I remember we could go as soon as we hit the age of 5. That was the only requirement.

We are doing a big move in January. I am excited! My husband will be attending college! So happy for him! The kids are excited about this move! Its a warm place with a beach and no snow. They hate the snow! First time seeing real snow in their lives and they hate it after 1 time!!

Yea, we are excited! I am a little more excited about the fact that this
place is in Florida! I am all out POTTERHEAD!! I am not ashamed to admit it!! My husband is excited about DisneyWorld! I think just as excited as the kids.

Now that I have shared a little tidbit of our lives, please, go check out the other awesome bloggers!!

                          Baking In A Tornado
                              Just A Little Nutty
                                          The Momisodes
                          Spatulas on Parade
                                  The Sadder But Wiser Girl
                          Follow me home . . .
                  Stacy Sews and Schools
                          Menopausal Mother
                                    Go Mama O
                                    Kim Ulmanis
                            Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
                         Someone Else’s Genius
                      Battered Hope 

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Use your words

It's that time again. A few of us bloggers were brought together by Karen to write a post using 4-6 words given to us by other bloggers. I made it sound more complicated than what it is, but I wanted to sound like I know how to write.

I filled out an application for a job that Karen had posted. It asked about decibel level in music or something. I have no rhythm whatsoever. The decibel level I have, does not yet have a name. Rhythm, well, let's just say there is no name for my rhythm either. I am above my level. I am like on the peace level. Yea, I am a mellow don't know what the hell I am doing level.

I am writing a book. I am wanting to write more books, but this one book is taking forever to write. I have been writing steadily for about 3 months now and I am only on chapter 2. I am backtracking and rewriting, and adding, and changing, and adding, and rewriting, and adding. Its such a hassle!!! It is a huge challenge getting this stuff done. I hope it gets easier and it becomes a best seller. Or a somewhat good seller.

In high school, I used to volunteer for a company called ICAAN. We helped train service dogs. It was a wonderful experience and I loved it. I want to volunteer again, but its hard with 3 kids, school, writing a book, and me needing free time. I bring this up because my kids are always seeing dogs with service vests on in stores and places we go and want to run up and pet them. I am trying to explain to them why they can't do that. Any of your kids ever do this before? My kids get upset because they love pets, but I always tell them to ask before petting any pet, especially a service dog. Maybe I can get them into a similar program.

These are my words. I messed up the image, but don't judge. I tried very hard for 45 minutes to get this right and it still looks like crap. That' ok. Its the creative thought that counts :)

Go see what other words the bloggers had and how they used them:

                                Baking In A Tornado
                         Spatulas on Parade
                     Stacy Sews and Schools

                              Sparkly Poetic Weirdo
                  The Bergham’s Life Chronicle
                        The Sadder But Wiser Girl
                                    The Momisodes
                  Someone Else’s Genius
                 Follow me home . . . 
             Crumpets and Bollocks                       

Thursday, July 10, 2014

*~*~My life story*~*~

I am apart of the SECRET SUBJECT SWAP. I know its been forever!! We have had a lot of changes around our household! I promise to be more bloggie! Wait, is bloggie a word? Oh well if it isn't. I just made up a new word. (Patent pending!)

Okay so my subject was submitted by:
Climaxed (Love the name by the way. I know it means something else, but hehe)

My subject is:

Your life story is going to be turned into a movie. You're given the choice of a true-to-life, potentially gritty documentary full of interviews from people who know all your secrets but also the real you or a highly glamorized, full-of-liberties Hollywood drama. Which do you choose? If a documentary, what would you hope your friends and family talk about? What happened in your life that would HAVE to be included? If a Hollywood film, who would play you? What sorts of liberties would you want the film to take with your story?

I will have to choose the TRUE-TO-LIFE documentary. I don't want some snobby, glamorized ditz playing me. I don't embarrass easily so the interviews won't really bother me. Unless someone picks their nose and eats it. GROSS!! 

I hope my family talks about how I changed their life forever. How I made it the best ever. That I am truly a remarkable person with no faults and flaws. 
My friends, however, I want them to say how they idolized me. They looked up to me like I was a goddess of brains and humor and beauty. How I made their lives full of humor and full of love. They just couldn't get enough of me. I am the best friend they have ever. 

Hey, I can dream right? I just want them to be truthful. About our friendships, and the love. The stories we shared and the laughter we had. 

What happened in my life that MUST be included is, well there are several things. My marriage, my kids, career. Oh and my book. I am only on chapter 2, but it is coming along. I am trying to put every detail into without going overboard. I am learning how to do that now. 

Go check out the other  bloggers that participated in the swap. 

                          Baking In A Tornado
                                      The Momisodes
                          Spatulas on Parade
                      Stacy Sews and Schools
                                   Sparkly Poetic Weirdo
                        Confessions of a part-time working mom
                  Crumpets and Bullocks
                                      Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
                 Someone Else’s Genius

Friday, February 21, 2014


12 bloggers will tell you what its like to be a FLY ON THE WALL in their home for a day. 

Well I will give you the details of what goes on in my home!

From my previous posts, my life is not that interesting. That's ok I don't mind. But we have had some changes. I have 3 kids, 3 cats and now a puppy. She is the cutest thing. She is a basset mix. We think maybe beagle, but her vet said she is on the bigger side so could be Saint Bernard mix as well. We plan on doing a DNA test in a few weeks. 

Her name is Lady. Not from Lady and the Tramp(well sort of), but from Game of Thrones. Sansa's direwolf. See, nerdy me lol. 

She is a pretty good puppy. She is in the rotten stage. playing non stop and running and just being rotten. But so cute so its OK. 

My husband got the new XBOX ONE. Have you heard about it? Have one? Its made gaming to be even more lazy. Pretty soon there will be no need for a controller! He loves it! He figured out how to play a game(it didn't need the controller) and the giggle that came out of his mouth! Like a kid on Christmas.

We have had a house full of sick people. First my oldest and my youngest were sick together, then my middle child caught it. And now I am getting it. Oh what fun it is to be sick. And I am supposed to get my new vacuum! How can I use it if I am sick?! Wait, am I the only one who is happy to use a new vacuum? I have a feeling some, if not all, of you are reading this and thinking DON'T VACUUM RELAX! YOU HAVE AN EXCUSE. Am I right? Of course I am. Us women want to relax when we can. 

My husband(I am so very proud of) is getting out of the army this summer. He has 2 tests coming up to become a police officer and a deputy! How awesome! He has been studying like crazy. Those cop episodes are crazy, but studying each episode will come in handy. I am really proud of him! 

Ok so one more thing before I send you off to the read the other bloggers. I just found out I have fibromyalgia. I am doing physical therapy to help with it. Before I had 4-5 different diagnosis of what was wrong and I just learned that those 4-5 different diagnosis can be caused by this one diagnosis. So if any of you are familiar with it, please email me. I am still new and don't know what to expect and would love people to talk to! can reach me there). Ok so now that you have seen an adorable puppy I will send you off to read the other posts!

Friday, February 7, 2014

I peed myself...I think?!

ITS SWAP DAY!! Whoo hoo! 12 bloggers had sent in prompts, Karen mixed them up in a hat, wine glass, shoe, whatever was handy(I prefer to use the wine glass) and then sent them out to each other. No one knows who got their prompt until today.

I got my prompt from Single Mum and it is:

What is the most awkward situation you have ever been in?

I don't think I have very many awkward situations. I tend to either avoid those or just turn it in my favor, but I do have one that's not so awkward, but funny. 

I had surgery of June 2012. I was 24. An adult of some sort. I had my gallbladder removed. I was told the process and all that. I was so freaked out that my surgeon approved for a relaxer in my IV. It made me fall asleep. I didn't get to ask any questions(like the first gazillion I asked wasn't enough).

I remember waking up in the recovery room. Being asked the year if I was ok, in pain, the normal. I guess? Well I feel wetness. The first thing I blurt out is I PEED MYSELF. OMG! The nurse says ITS OK IT HAPPENS. I am still groggy arguing NO ITS NOT. I WAS TOLD I WOULD HAVE A CATHETER I SHOULDN'T OF PEED MYSELF. (I trust by now you are laughing. I did a few months later). We went back and forth about my peeing on myself. It was a mess. 

I get wheeled out to the room to get dressed and everything and I am changing my clothes and I realize I did not pee on myself. It was sweat. Just sticky, smelly sweat. I was sweating so bad and it was cold in the hospital. I checked the sheet, I checked my undies no pee. 

Imagine how relieved I was I didn't pee on myself, then it hit me. I argued with a nurse about me peeing on myself and I didn't pee on myself. How does that happen!? What else did they give me? All I kept thinking was man this is not good. You may think WELL AT LEAST YOU DIDN'T PEE ON YOURSELF. And you are right, but I argued I did and I didn't. I just went home and slept. I tried to forget all about it, but I couldn't. I am glad I didn't because then I wouldn't have a post to write about. 

                    Baking in a tornado
                    The Momisodes
                    Stacy Sews and Schools
                    Follow me home . . .
                    Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
                    Confessions of a part-time working mom
                    Evil Joy Speaks
                    Spinster Snacks
                    FBX Adventures (In Parenting)
                    More Than Cheese and Beer
                    Searching for Sanity
                    Small Talk Mama

                    Juicebox Confession
                    Spatulas on Parade

Friday, January 17, 2014


Welcome to a new challenge Karen(Baking in a tornado) has created. She is always creating all these new challenges and I am always like YES ME OOH ME I WANT TO DO IT! And then I forget until the last minute or flake out, or my computer loses it. I am excited. 

My words/phrases were submitted by Battered Hope. I just found her blog and love her! 
 I won't tell you my words or phrases, I will highlight them. I figured telling you ahead of time would ruin the element of my post.

On Wednesday of this week, my toddler had his shots. Well he isn't a toddler anymore. He is now a big boy. He cried a little bit, which in turn made me cry. Luckily, my husband was there to help. It made my husband look sexy doing that. Helping out. It always does. He promised him some candy after the doctors appointment. (Bribery always works for my kids). 

This morning, it smelled like something was burning in my kitchen and it reminded me of when we was living in Hawaii and my oven caught fire. Yeah, that was loads of fun! I yelled for my husband. I panicked. I would not do well in another situation like that. My kids thought it was awesome to see FIRE IN THE OVEN! I thought it would blow up and in turn blow up the entire house. 

Karen, posted this yummy recipe a few months back or a year ago and I tried to recreate it. I was cooking up a storm, thinking OH YEA I GOT THIS! I love chocolate mousse. OH YEA WHO IS THE BAD ONE IN THE KITCHEN?! I am the bad one because I failed miserably at the recipe. I didn't have an item and I substituted, but the substitution didn't mix right. I am surprised food poisoning didn't hit me from the taste test I did. It was horrible. I decided to leave Karen's recipes to her and just lick my screen. Not tasty, but healthy and I don't mess up my kitchen over a failed attempt. Its a win/somewhat win in my book. 

I bought this box of CHICKEN IN A BISKIT. Who loves these? I DO! I can eat an entire box in one sitting. Yes I know, I should be ashamed, but these are addictive! Even my husband likes them. And when he eats them, I glare at him like NO THEY ARE MINE. And I want to turn into those birds from FINDING NEMO. The MINE birds. But I share. I was taught to share and I try to lol. I end up eating them later on or a different day and not sharing the rest. I am terrible.

So now that you are done reading, go check out the other bloggers:

Juicebox Confession
Confessions of a Part-time working mom
Battered Hope
Spatulas on Parade
Evil Joy Speaks
Stacy sews and schools
Searching for Sanity
Just a little Nutty...
The Bergham's Life Chronicles
Follow me home...
Baking in a Tornado